PEBBLE MILL AT ONE  (70s-80s)

BBC

Chat and music show from the BBC’s Pebble Mill studios that was on at one (you see what they’ve done there?) A bit like a forerunner to THIS MORNING WITH RICHARD AND JUDY, but with out her baps hanging out and Richard’s naff Ali G impression (so not as good really!)

There was also a late night version called SATURDAY NIGHT AT THE MILL, and yes, you’ve guessed it - it was on at a Saturday night and broadcast from the same place!

Presented by two adults who should know better than to still play with teddy bears and rag dolls at their age. Very misleading for young children as the clock tells the same time all day, and there are only a choice of three different shaped windows to look through. Where are the octagon window or the trapezium one?!

(Grown woman plays with teddies and rag dolls!)

(What a silly Cant!)

POINTS OF VIEW  (80s-90s)

BBC1

Anne Robinson, now a nazi bitch presenter of THE WEAKEST LINK presented this show, where viewers wrote in to complain or praise the programmes on TV (and as this was a BBC programme it usually meant that the praise was heaped on their own programmes and that the shit was lobbed at ITV's efforts!)  Robbo would end the programme with a wink, which I always thought was her coming on to me by giving me a secret wink - did anyone else think that? Anyway if you're reading this Anne - I want you to dress in leather and whip my naughty bottom!!

Dear BBC,

Why oh why oh why can't you bring back that nice programme Points of View and get that nazi sadistic cow Anne Robinson to present it again.  I am willing to pay for the privilege (or her services privately if you can arrange that!)  As long as you get her to dress in leather and I have to call her mistress!

If you do that I will never ask for anything from you again BBC, and hey, the licence fee - worth every penny if you ask me, when you bring us such wonderful programmes!

Yours

The Comfy Chair editor

POSTMAN PAT  (80s)

BBC

The adventures of a large-nosed postman called Pat (hence the title, do you see?) who had a black and white cat. Catchy theme song over the titles: “Postman Pat, Postman Pat and his black and white cat …” (do you see what they’ve done there? They’ve made up a song about the fact that he was a postman, called Pat, and that he had a black and white cat (didn’t mention his big nose though, did they, eh kids?!)

Postman Pat, with the enormous conk

Postman Pat, never gets to bonk …

the postmistress, Miss Goggins

So this shit is gubbins!

BOB THE BUILDER would come later. Sadly they never got round to doing a George the Gynaecologist, much to my disappointment!

PRISONER CELL BLOCK H  (70S, 80S)

Australian TV

Not to be confused with the one with Patrick Mcgoohan in it.  A bunch of confined butch lesbians generally bitch and bed each other in this Aussie soap.  Bea Smith (or Queen Bea as they called her - do you see what they did there?) was in charge of that steam compressor thing, and the cock of the prison!!  One of the female prison officers was nicknamed Vinegar Tits cos she was even more butch than all the others, and there was some old "grog" guzzling bint called Lizzy!  Like BAD GIRLS had never been invented ... er ... actually it wasn't back then; they nicked the idea from this!

'You will lick our fannies, you're a dyke now!' 

THE PROFESSIONALS  (70s)

ITV

Politicians on a panel chaired by David Dimbleby (or Robin Day before him) try to avoid answering questions asked by the studio audience. The politicians bitch with each other about how much better their policies are than the others, and every week there is guest from outside of politics, usually a comedian or a newspaper editor (eh, spot the difference!)

Verdict: bitchy!

QUIZMANIA  (2005-?)

ITV1

Phone in quiz for insomniacs on ITV1 every night for absolutely hours!  I caught one episode when some bint had sent in a very nice buxom piccie of herself!  Two memorable hosts, one a barmy bloke with glasses and some blonde bit that makes Alex Lovell off BRAINTEASER look like Einstein (although we’d definitely shag her!)

RAINBOW  (70s,80s)

ITV

Can anyone tell me what the fuck zippy is?  Some strange creature with a zip for a mouth!  His friends were a pink hippopotamus, a big bear and a bloke that would talk to them like he was someone from the slow school, oh and a group of people who would come in and sing a few shite songs. Cult heroes for a certain generation - an open-mouthed mystery to others!

ROOBARB  (70s)

BBC1

Badly drawn animation!  Roobarb was a green jerky dog, next door lived a sarcastic pink jerky cat called Custard, who would take the piss out of Roobarb something rotten.  As would the jerky birds who would sit on his fence laughing at him.

It was animated by Bob Godfrey who made all those naughty adult animations, which I liked to jerky off to!

But Roobarb never got his nob out and got it on with any green jerky bitches in the neighbourhood.  They were probably all dogs! (geddit?)