MAGIC ROUNDABOUT  (70s)

BBC1

Here's a weird one.  'Man it's weird,' said Dillon.  'I think it's rather nice,' said Florence.  Shut up!  Strange bestial romance going on between Florence - a girl - and a large dog called Dougal (well, you know what they say about big dogs!)  Their other friends consisted of Ermentrude, a pink cow, a sleepy hippy rabbit called Dillon, and some creature that defies description, who had a spring up its backside!  'Time for bed,' said Zebeddi.  'Are you coming?' said Florence to Dougal.  'Not with you, I'm gay,' said Dougal and went off to suck a ... blue sugar cube! 

MAGNUM PI  (80s)

American TV

Tom Selleck starred as the moustachioed Vietnam veteran turned private detective in Hawaii.  Selleck became a bit of a hit with the ladies (the show became a bit of a miss with us!)  But we love Magnum's moustache - it's a TV icon!  We want one, so we can pull the ladies!  I have just purchased a Hawaiian shirt, girls, do you fancy a nobbing?  You know, in the dark when I've grown the moustache, you could pretend I'm Magnum!

(Patrick Duffy wets himself!)

Before Patrick Duffy was Bobby Ewing in DALLAS he was the man from Atlantis!  A survivor from the lost city of Atlantis, with webbed hands and feet, and funny eyes (which only seemed to occur every time he got wet, I seem to remember - lucky he didn't live in Manchester or Wales then!)  He could also swim underwater for long periods of time.

Not that far-fetched then?  In the 70s you could belvei any crap they showed you on TV.  Men turn into big green hulks, have boinic limbs, women turn into wonder women - just by doing a bit of a twirl - anything!

The plots were all the usual plots that normally turned up in THE HULK, SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN, WONDER WOMAN etc etc!

MR BEAN  (90s)

ITV

Gormless, rubber-faced nerdy twat in a suit, causes havoc wherever he goes.  Laugh, did we?  Did we?!  Well I did, sometimes, didn't you?

THE MUNSTERS  (60s)

American TV

Crap version of THE ADDAMS FAMILY. Like THE ADDAMS FAMILY they were creepy and kooky, though not very funny. Eddie Munster looked like one of Supergrass too!

MYSTERIES WITH CAROL VORDERMAN  (90s)

BBC1

Probably the biggest mystery is why Carol Vorderman was ever chosen to present this?  Cagsy put on her Dana Scully hat and tried to solve paranormal mysteries (or rather - she just presented the stories and tried to look all mysterious and serious (but ended up looking like the woman who puts the letters out on COUNTDOWN!)

Now we all know the pure genius of BETTER HOMES, and the imaginatively titled spin-off, BETTER GARDENS, which makes great telly (especially if Carol's wearing really tight jeans that week!) But she's no Arthur C. Clarke; she hasn't predicted advances in space travel or anything - just done a few sums on a quiz show!

Are there really bug-eyed creatures out there?  And if so, are they as highly paid and overexposed as Carol?