EAR SAY  (mid-80s)

CH4

Not to be confused with POPSTARS winners HearSay, but just as bad!  Gary Crowley was the "geezer" that introduced this pop music programme in a chirpy cheerful cockernee way!

ELECTION NIGHT COVERAGE  (50s-present)

Best on the BBC!

Hello and welcome to Election Night Special!  And let's look at the old swingometer!  Fuck!  No votes in yet, but it's still early!  And I'm just getting ... an hard-on cos I'm so excited!  Now over to David Dimbleby for a quick turn on the spoons while we're waiting!

Peter Snow was the king of the swingers with his swingometer.  Still gets it out at election time (and gets his swingometer out too - oh oh!)

THE EUROVISION SONG CONTEST  (60s-present)

BBC1

Bing Bong a Bong!  Cheryl Baker's skirt whips off giving us a perve at her knickers and we're away!  Making your mind up?  Which is the least unbearable ditty from these European unmusical arseholes? Still not decided?  Fucks Bizz not your thing?  How about The Brotherhood of Man then!  Save all your kisses for them then!  No? Cliff Richard?  Power to all his friends (does that mean Una?  Sue Barker?  Hank Marvin?)  Well how about Gemini then?  Non points! AT ALL!  Ha! Ha! Ha!  Go on blame it on the war, go on, I dare you!  That and the sound system being crap!  Go on then!

FINGERBOBS  (60s,70s)

BBC?

Unbelievably low-budget puppetry from Rick Jones (off PLAYSCHOOL - you know, the one with the beard!)  Do you think he kept Fingemouse and co. on while he had a wank?  Probably got off on that!  I would have!

Un-subtitled foreign language kids show.  At least that's what it sounded like (I'd guess probably Swedish in origin.)  Either that or two drunken puppeteers did the voices!  Come to think of it, their marionette skills where a bit shit, so that's probably a more accurate theory!  Pissed puppetry, you can't beat it!

Lame excuse to show lots of bonking and Alex Kingston's boobs (not that we're complaining, mind!)  We thank ITV for this boob-fest and a half, much better than PRIDE AND PREJUDICE on the other side! Moll Flanders is a feisty prossie, a lovable rogue (we love them anyway!) who bonks her way through man after man, and husband after husband.  Alex Kingston afterwards could be seen in ER, sadly though she'd put them away by then!

Some critics panned it for its over-sexual content.  Yes, it had its knockers, as is very much in evidence!  One of the Chair's favourite programmes of all time!

More pics of that buxom trollop Moll Flanders ...